A very personal blog - my life changing end to 2018
Its the last day of January 2019 and I’m finally in a position to reflect on what happened at the end of 2018.
As some of you know at the start of October I was lucky enough to be accepted into Zero2Hero as a Mentor and attend their Youth Leadership and Suicide Prevention Camp. Wow it was amazing and so rewarding. I felt absolutely honoured to share the experience with our future leaders and my fellow Mentors. The camp itself was so physically, emotionally and spiritually intense that it literally broke you down and left you to figure out how to put yourself back together. Now I’ve done a lot of self help type work over the years but this was next level vulnerability that can only happen when you are in the middle of nowhere with no phone, no connection to the outside world and thrown in with a bunch of strangers. I thought I’d finally got the message that life was short and to spread love and light. I decided I would have no more time for negative energy around me even if it wasn’t aimed at me.
Later that month Myer FOTF happened and it was a super fun day out with friends. And while there was a new format the day was great and the night even better. You know what I love? My racing girlfriends are so down to earth, we have the most brilliant conversations. I shared with two of them how on camp I reflected as to how much I look up to them. Not for anything in particular that they do they are just amazing women and I admire them so much.
November came around all too quickly. As racing enthusiasts we all know November is Melbourne Cup month and even in Perth its huge. As a business owner in the industry its MASSIVE. I was so busy with BDA, preparing for cup day myself and finishing my degree that I was losing balance in my life. Melbourne Cup came and went, business quietened down but I was still struggling with how do I get balance in my life. What do I want to do with my life? I’m 37 shouldn’t I have this figured out? Around this time I was thrilled to be asked to be the WA Ambassador for Thorough Bred Events Australia. Holy Bananas firstly I didn’t know they were even looking, secondly they knew I existed? thirdly I was wondering about my role in the industry because I love BDA but its a part of me not all of me so it cemented my truth that yeah my passion for racing and thoroughbred events is appreciated. As a Business Owner who does this 100% by myself I get tired, I work so hard, I blog and I wonder, is anyone even reading this? what difference am I making? I put up a few posts around this time and was so humbled when my beautiful followers messaged about how my little insty and blog give them something to look forward to through their own struggles. xoxo
And then December happened. Well nothing could have prepared me for December and if I wanted answers, if the camp hadnt broken me enough a massive incident would see me changed forever.
On Sunday 16th December I left home about 1.40pm and was driving locally to drop my two young Daughters to their Nans so my darling Husband and I could go on a much needed date. He took another car and was about 10 minutes behind me. Half way through the 15 minute drive my whole car shook as a motorbike flew past my window. I say flew because he was doing easily 150-200ks in a 60 zone. I just said FARRKK and thought mate are you trying to kill yourself. I saw him weave between traffic and mount the curb and a wave of soil came out from under his tyres. I knew that was it. He then hit a gumtree infront of me. The other cars kept going. I came to a stop. Told me toddlers who thank God can’t see over the dash to wait there. And what I saw next will haunt me forever. I was lucky a policeman on his bike arrived at the same time. I pulled over some ppl to help but unfortunately they went into shock immediately and just stood staring. After asking someone to stand with my car until my husband arrived I began first aid with the police man. Out of respect for the dead I wont go into details about the victim. But I hope he is at peace. I needed some serious therapy after this let me tell you. I went into deep deep shock for about a week and kept seeing him staring at me on the side of the road, his face and hands, even his smell. After about a month I could sleep again and feel calmer.
And now its January and I’ve just been processing the shit storm that was the final months of 2018. So here are my takeaways from the storm
Life can be over in seconds EMBRACE IT
Who is really important? spend your time with and on them
You are also important spend time on yourself, invest in yourself
What isn’t serving you, what isn’t bringing you joy or inspiration needs to go - ppl, products, habits - all of it - NEXT
Think about what choices you are making with the food you eat, the products you use, the people you hang out with.
Listen to those you invest in, really listen, give them a safe space to share who they really are. What can you learn from them?
Don’t try and fix peoples problems. Embrace that we all have our own journey to go on, we are all capable and all have the answers and tools to solve our own problems. Help when asked too not because it makes you uncomfortable to see your friends suffering. We have to face our demons to overcome them.